The Last Metamorphosis (The Change to End All Changes)
I followed my heart down a meandering path- ignoring what worldly wisdom said.
Spurred on along by a tiny resolute voice, that drowned out the sage sounds of my head.
I broke and I shattered, the pieces I then gathered, and put myself back together again.
With every step, I left the world behind- they left me alone, the bitter and the kind,
And I trudged along, to change the predestined.
You get one life. One. Just one. But, you get second chances.
The Lost Muse
In the abyss of your smile
I glimpse my lost innocence
you take me back in time,
with just a touch, a word, a cadence
You are my lost muse
My missing spark
You are the tiny glimmer of light
Beyond endless sheets of dark.
A page has been turned,
A mystery has been revealed.
A hope has returned,
A fate, unsealed.
“I wait for you to leave so that I can be alone with my thoughts.
My thoughts scream for you to come back.”
I am lost, I am found.
I am freed,
I am bound.
Envy courses through these veins once more,
Where blood long ago turned to ice.
For you belong to another…
Yes, rebirth comes at a price.
My heart- the sagacious warrior,
Its lessons well-learnt from tutors fine,
It stumbles not, it grieves not, it knows,
I lost you before I could make you mine.
Random musings of a bookworm
Every day, I promise myself that I will use the upcoming weekend for sightseeing, enjoying this beautiful country I am in, get out, meet people, burn off the fat that sneaks up on me unnoticed….
And then, Saturday morning dawns.
I initiate the obligatory “Cleaning Protocol”. Put things away, take out the trash, clean up my physical and virtual spaces.
In doing so, I stumble across a book. A hard copy (rare in my world today), an e-copy. Sometimes, a scribbled note reminding myself that I just have to get such-and-such book.
Sightseeing suddenly loses its appeal. I quickly finish up chores and settle down with a book. It is not advisable to be in the sun between 10am and 4pm anyway, so might as well read. If the book is too good, I might even disconnect the internet and turn off my phone to ensure that real life does not intrude. I must be easy to please, as that happens more often than not.
The enigmatic allure of books, their lusty siren song, the iridescent worlds they open doors to- I am a slave to all that. Although, I do think that in this fast-paced life filled with roller-coasters and unpleasant surprises lurking at every corner, it is a blessing that I have the time to read.
Last week I enjoyed Assimov’s “Youth”, am finishing up Hesse’s “Narcisuss and Goldmund” (Bye-Bye Weekend) and already got my hands on “The Martian” (did I say Bye-Bye Weekend?). As I settle down with my mug of hot chocolate and begin to meld into the lives of fictional characters, I make a silent toast to writers the world over- present and past and future. You guys are my heroes.
Haunted
When its all done and forgiven
What remains
But memories and regrets
That arise unbidden
And peek around
A carefully crafted veil of oblivion.
You can bury the pain
You can walk past it everyday
Pretending that it does not exist
But it does, and you meet again.
In the endless depths of night,
When you lie cold and alone,
“What ifs” and “if onlys” make their presence known.
And you cry, in your pillow, in your sleep, in your dreams
But tears can’t wash away the past- no, its set in stone.
And then one day, you will laugh once more.
Joy will reign and all will be well.
But in secret recesses of your soul will dwell
Broken dreams and stillborn hopes.
From time to time you will catch their glimpse.
And hear the sickening sounds of their death knell.
Free
I finally made it out…
Out of the wreckage, out of the rain.
Beyond the horrors, conquered the pain.
Its just me now…
Bruised, but wearing wisdom’s drape
Unbroken, and in better shape.
I have made it so far…
And the road ahead beckons- with all its rocks and stones
I am ready now, I can feel it in my bones.
My life testifies…
There is a balm in every poison.
A lesson there lies, in every treason.
My spirit trembles with the sweet revelation…
There is a welcome warmth in every scorching fire.
There is always ground below the greedy mire.
Look not at the thorns and briars,
Heed not the betrayers and liars,
Feel the love, the joy and peace.
Feel the power of your soul’s own grit.
And know that one day,
You too, shall make it.
Autumn Rain
Do you feel the moon crying tonight?
Its sobs muffled by thunder,
Its face behind the clouds
It weeps.
It mourns.
I listen.
Moonlight Rain by Sor4
Turbulent waves struggle to comfort the one, miles away.
They rise and fight again their fetters, only to fall again.
And the moon cries, alone, calls to the ocean…and its tears rain down.
I watch- an impotent observer, an empathizer, and I go back in time.
And I allow myself to remember, to feel and to regret.
I stand in the rain, my tears mingling with those of the moon.
It’s a lonely night, and I am stalked by memories.
The moon bleeds red.
The ocean beats its breast with sorrow.
The tears fall.
Today, nothing will stop them, they flow unabated,
Till hearts get exhausted and there is no strength left to cry.
The moon slips away,
Morning finds me lying on the beach.
The waves are calm once again.
We slip on the cloak of invisibility over our emotions.
And return to life.
As if last night never happened.
My positive affirmations
I do not know whether positive thinking works or not, but I do know that negative thinking drains you of the strength that you need to fight back. So, I am struggling to “think positive”. Apart from Aamir Khan’s classic “All is Well” mantra, I jotted down a few lines for myself. I read them out aloud every time I am down. At the very least, this is keeping negative thinking at bay.
My life will work itself out.
Destiny will stop littering my path with obstacles
I will get the wisdom to take the right step in every situation
I will reach great heights in terms of happiness and prosperity
I will have a lovely family- a caring and worthy husband, and healthy and fortunate children
I will have a stable and fulfilling job
I will have the ability to help others and bring smile to other people’s faces
I will be an asset to this world and a source of pride for my parents
Things will work out soon
In fact, I choose to believe that the process has started today itself.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
Tears
I wish I could get a dollar for each one I shed
(Even a cent would be enough, it would keep me clothed and fed).
I wish they could be converted into water pure
It would sustain Earth for billions of years, I am sure.
I wish I could locate a faucet to just turn off the damn things,
But then, they will just fill my heart to bursting.
I wish they would revitalize my skin and primp up my eyes,
When I cry, my heart bleeds through my eyes….
Somehow, I wish they could wash away the pain and the lies.
I wish I would not see your face swimming in the drops,
I wish I would not see my broken dreams and stillborn hopes.
I wish that I could stop crying, for God’s sake,
An ocean of tears does not a bridge make.
I wish they would drown me once and for all,
And free me from life’s wherewithal.
I wish, that somehow good fortune would find me at last,
And these tears would then be a thing of the past.
Day (437) – From Nothing
One of the most incredible things I have ever read. Gonna try it tonight….
If you close your eyes late at night and just listen – you will hear the sound of nothing.
Before you close your eyes to fall asleep, open your ears as wide as you can, as if you are trying harder to hear something.
You can feel almost the slightest of pressures on your eyelids…slowly rolling down to the tops of your cheekbones.
Listen harder. And then, you’ll truly hear it.
Nothing.
No voice. No sound.
No chatter. No doubt.
Nothing.
And if you listen to this, the sound of nothing for a while, you begin to realize that it is that simple. Right now, in this moment, there is nothing. The absence of sound becomes louder – almost numbing the inside of your ears.
Your eyes blink open.
Then your eyes quickly blink back shut.
But that sound is gone. But the short grin isn’t. Because in that moment…
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I whispered a prayer for You
I whispered a prayer for you…
A tiny voice from the depths of my soul
Begged God to keep you happy and whole.
A brave little spark in my wounded heart.
Begged that we may make a fresh start.
A faint wisp of memory gives me a nudge
And I forgive you every hurt, every grudge.
A ray of hope boldly arises amidst emotional strife
I bid it to brighten your gloomy life.
Courage, long lost, rises from the dead
And I pray that you may forget me and move ahead.
For life is long and hard and bigger than this-
An unrequited love, a broken heart, a false promise.
Day and night must give way to one another
They are, but bound by nature’s tether.
Such is the way of this world, my friend
Our ill-fated saga cannot mend.
I pray for the best, for strength and for love.
I pray that we will be blessed by God above.
A new beginning awaits both of us, if only we were to see
What goodness life holds for you and me.
And so, I whisper a prayer for you
With the hope, that you pray for me too
Thoughtscape 