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Archive for November, 2008

The Yesteryears

November 25, 2008 Leave a comment

Hmmm…. I am still under construction. My soul is being chiselled by circumstance, sculpted by nature and moulded by experience.

I was going through my Orkut scrapbook today, looking for a certain scrap. It was just a quick look, but, it brought back memories of a previous life. The friendly banters I had with one of my classmates- whom I now despise, my budding friendship with one of his cousins, my encrypted conversations with my sister, exchanging worries with her- she brooding about her marriage and me gloomy about my career…the lingering aura of an unbelievable past, when the present day was only a distant dream. I felt strange, reviving moments whose existence I had so easily forgotten. It was like coming across a stack of old letters in the attic, like getting your memory back after a bout of amnesia.

People with whom I was in regular touch then barely figure in my life today. The latest additions to my friend list are older, mature people with jobs and families. Even my conversations have transcended into the realm of grownups. Every utterance has become more calculated, more purposeful and teems with confidence. Have I changed so much over a period of two years? Incredible, and how. The metamorphosis was so subtle that the final result was startling. I have evolved. It makes me pause and think of how life converts us into the people were are meant to be. And believe me, it is not always a gain.

Time erodes a part of us; then, as if ashamed of its action, it covers the void with something else. Someday, curiosity, boredom or accident prompts us to examine the site of vandalism- which is so often our psyche- and we see the damage done.

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Categories: Mirages

For better or for worse?

November 25, 2008 1 comment

I have been debating for quite some time the merits and demerits of marriage. The outcome of this musing- in due deference to my penchant for procrastination- was always left undecided under the guise of insufficient support for either the pros or the cons. External agencies, however, always vehemently assured me that marriage is a necessary evil. Last night I asked my sister her opinion. She is still undecided. I feel that her intellectual abilities are solely devoted to creativity and fantasies. She has never displayed any talent for handling reality.

In my lab today, I realised suddenly that we encounter a different brand of people after the cessation of student life. The latter blesses one with friends that can be truly trusted. These friends become a part of one’s existence, because, they all share the same life. But it is different when one enters the professional field. You do not have friends on an equal footing. There is competition, no matter how subtle or how healthy. People will do you small favours, but essentially, you are on your own.

In such circumstances, the one who never felt lonely due to a multitude of bosom buddies, suddenly becomes isolated from the rest of the world. Friends become engrossed in their own careers. Siblings have their own families to handle. Parents…how long will they be around. Senility or death, whichever comes first, will severe the ties.

I hate to think of myself marooned like this. Lately, I have experienced pangs of loneliness- a need to converse, a need to be with someone. Grudgingly, I have to admit, maybe marriage is not such a bad idea after all. But it also entails so many complications, especially for a woman. So many adjustments, so much compromise, so much of servitude. All this merely for a few decades of human company.

Categories: Mirages

Lead me home

November 25, 2008 2 comments

Damp roads bustling with human forms,
All in a hurry to go home,
They have a reason, I don’t.
Unbound by constraints of time and space,
I wander aimlessly in search of a face-
Someone who can lead me home tonight.

The cold discomfort of a void awaits me,
Unwanted, yet mine, where alone I’ll be.
A stark reminder of all I’ve lost-
Not wealth, but trust, the warmth of togetherness.
Can I ever find it again in this wilderness?
A hand to hold, to lead me home?

I look into your eyes, unsure of what to ask
But you know, you see what I’ve failed to mask
You too were betrayed, so you know my pain
An unspoken promise binds us together
Hand in hand we will walk forever
To live a new life, to cherish and never to lose again.

Categories: Poems Tags:

Men in the Rain

November 25, 2008 Leave a comment

In the midst of winter, bleak and forlorn,
The world wakes up to a rain-soaked morn.

Those with the luxury, slip back under the covers
While many brace themselves to get drenched in the showers.

With the burden of a livelihood seeming heavier today,
Bus drivers, hawkers, workmen go on their way.

I sit in my room, a cup of hot tea in my hand,
Looking out of my window at this sorry band.

As I return the bold gaze of one who has stopped to stare,
My eyes fly to the cross nestled in his wet chest hair.

A realization hits-I share his god, his race, his final destiny,
But he cannot share my material world-what a cruel irony!

I find others like him-the denizens of streets
Within whose rugged exterior a human heart beats.

We survive on the legacies of their eternal labour-
The food we eat, the clothes we wear, pleasures we favour.

They are the unsung Atlases of our frail society.
We hold them in contempt, yet they are so mighty.

The lameness, the futility of luxury and opulence
Creates in my soul a storm, a turbulence.

The foundation of my universe is totally shaken-
The walls of caste and creed are suddenly broken.

Yes, they are my brothers-all those who are walking away,
For we were molded by the same Potter, from the very same clay.

Categories: Poems Tags:

LONELINESS KNOWS ME BY NAME

November 25, 2008 Leave a comment

The only soul mate I’ve ever had-
My knight in shining armour,
Whose jealousy does sequester
Me from the rest of the world.
All human connections broken
For my disembodied lover.

My companion since I can recall,
Till the journey to my grave.
Yes, I, too, for human love do crave,
But the walls cannot be scaled,
The bonds cannot be broken;
And I remain my best friend’s slave.

I venture out; I reach out my hand,
I turn back spurned, I walk alone.
I see an image, it lingers, it’s gone.
Joys and sorrows go unshared.
I long for a change and tearfully wait
For the night to melt into an aureate dawn.

I remain fettered in the cage of my solitude.
Day after day it’s the very same,
I remain a gambit in life’s cruel game.
I search desperately for one true friend-
And run into my old companion-
After all, loneliness knows me by name.

Categories: Poems Tags:

TOMORROW

November 8, 2008 2 comments

The resplendent glimpse of a day unborn,
The redolence of an unblossomed flower,
The distant presage of yet another morn,
The stamp of Time’s ruthless power.
The comely promise of an unpossessed treasure,
The blissful sounds of triumphant whispers.
The coy enticement of impending leisure,
The light rhythm of victory’s caper.

Beyond the gossamer barrier that veils
Time of now from time to come,
There lie the unseen esoteric trails
That men must follow sans a mutter.
Worshipped, dreaded, awaited, much sought,
Tomorrow holds our thoughts hostage.
Today we spend making much of naught,
Wallowing in self-inflicted emotional carnage.

The procrastinator’s refuge,
The soothsayer’s delight,
Fresh troubles pour in a vicious deluge.
As dawn is born of dark midnight,
No respite within the open portal,
No end in sight to yesterday’s sorrow.
Unconquered , lives on the devious immortal-
Tomorrow will forever be, yet another, tomorrow.

Categories: Poems