Archive for November, 2012

The Dreams Meister

November 19, 2012 4 comments

…the isle is full of noises,
Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again.

Shakespeare’s The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 2

I fall asleep after a long, tiring, chaotic day. Amazingly, my brain finds the energy and resources to dream.

I find myself standing at the shore of… a sea? An ocean? I never could tell the difference. The landscape is bluish grey- I suspect that if I search the cloudy skies I will find a moon lurking somewhere. The trees are dark silhouettes, as are the huge rocks lazing around, oblivious to the brutal caress of waves. Déjà vu, my dreams have brought me here before. Something reminds me that those prior episodes have always taken place between the cool sands, so I begin to turn away from the water in anticipation of what will happen tonight.

But something catches my eye and I keep looking at the watery horizons. A form begins to take shape in the distance- It is a boat. I strive to catch a glimpse of the rower. They draw near.

A stray star escapes the hold of the wispy clouds and sends its rays streaming down. Something like a celestial Morse code. It- the starlight- is caught in the abyss of his eyes and they gleam. I recognize him with a start. It is him again! Those eyes, they have the power to hurt and heal. In the waking world, I could never look at them longer than a couple of seconds, because…..I just couldn’t. They subjugate me and make me bow my head in front of him. Or at least look away, if I am feeling too rebellious.

But in Dream Land, I can gaze into them to my heart’s content. I can feel the fire, breathe in the passion, let the compassion soothe me and let the raw desire undo me. I can look into his eyes, because I know, that when I wake up, there will be no harm done. In the real world, that is.

As he draws closer, I see a tiny smile flit upon those lips- the bottom one shaped like a crescent moon and the upper, like the dual masts of a pirate’s vessel. This describes him perfectly- a lethal combination of cold elegance and brutal power. How often had those lips loved me in the Dream Land! How often had they wrecked havoc upon me in the real world!

But tonight, they just beckoned me to take his outstretched hand and enter into his boat. As my second foot is about to disconnect from land, a doubt washes over me. What am I doing? Why am I going into unchartered waters? With him of all the people! His clasp on my hand tightens a bit, he has sensed the hesitation. What? Have you started analyzing your dreams while you are still within in them? He appears to be only half-mocking. I know he is referring to my pathological, obsessive tendency to analyze every word, every action in the real world. There, he claims that this is the main reason for my unhappiness and discontent.

I do not know whether it is the naked accusation in his words, or the hint of amusement in his eyes which finally undoes me. But I step into his boat. He gently draws me closer to him and lightly skims my spine. So straight, he murmurs, such regal posture. Makes you tower over everyone else, my midget. I ignore the words and the sensations and draw away from his touch and go to sit in a corner of the boat. He rows into the night, beyond the misty shroud which obscures everything, except for his eyes. Are they beyond the reach of even otherworldly powers?

The mist clears, and I find myself in a land of unspeakable mystery. I could swear that a cadence permeated the air; but when I strained too hard to listen, it seemed to disappear. I catch a glimpse of his face and feels his eyes telling me, do not analyze! My Meister commands me to feel, and, for the first time in my life, I allow myself to feel completely.

Your eyes…

What about them?

Don’t laugh at me.

Why should I? Laughter was once the embodiment of joy and pleasure. Humans have whored her and turned her into a veil for their insecurity, fears, anxiety and anticipation. But I still laugh for the old, pure reasons.

Your eyes…

This time he is silent, he waits for me to continue. I do.

One day, before you were born, the most innocent and beautiful of all angels woke up and stretched to dispel the last remnants of sleep. The sweat from her brow fell, and carried with it the pure aura of the heavens, and drifted further away. It touched God’s feet and absorbed his power. It swam through the ether, carrying a part of all the secrets that have ever existed in each and every one of the worlds. It survived the fire of Hades, and became embellished with the cruelty that abides there. It absorbed the whispered reverberations of your mother’s prayer and entered the real world to be a part of her wishes.

It became a part of you. Your eyes.

The silence stretched for eternity. Around us, a cacophony of colours executed a mystical dance. Strange life forms glided past. Alien worlds were close enough for me to touch. We passed through a wall of fire, unscathed.

He spoke.

You love me so much…even though you never say.

Why should I allow you to hurt me more?

Why don’t you trust me and have faith in me?

I can’t!

He got up from his place and sat next to me. In his arms, I found the ultimate contentment, joy and peace and knew that I could never let go.

He spoke.

Nothing is perfect, neither you, nor I. But we have to have faith in one another, if we want to live together. Where there is love, there will always be hurt, anger, resentment, pain, fury and a million reasons to break away. Love, by itself is not enough to overcome these. Love and faith together make the unshakeable foundation of a happy life.

I looked into his eyes once again- those enchanting pools of glory and power. I tried to say something, but felt as though I was being sucked into a vortex. I cried out, trying to hold on to him, but he pushed me away.

I awoke, groggily, left with nothing but fading fragments of my dream.

He came into focus. He was angry and irritated, shouting at me.

For once, I felt no hurt, no pain. Only a sudden rush of emotion and power. He must have felt it too, for he stopped in mid sentence and stared at me.

“Are you okay,” he asked.

“I love you” I replied.

He stared at me, speechless.

“I have loved you as long as I can remember and will always do so. Please get used to it. We have our differences, but I am sure we can work them out. I agree, I am too analytical and insecure and have a great difficulty in trusting you. But I promise you that I will learn to trust you and quit challenging you at every step. In return, I want you to treat me with respect and keep my opinions and preferences into account while planning something which will affect both of us.”

He stared at me, speechless.

After a while, he crossed the room and held me tight in his arms, breathing hard. I felt his hot tears wetting my hair. I heard his unspoken promises and relaxed. Love and faith together would keep our relationship secure forever.

My dreams had come true.

Categories: Mirages Tags: , , ,

Let’s make a mistake

November 13, 2012 Leave a comment

Beneath the first twinkle of starlight
Beneath the gaunt aura of crimson twilight,
Let’s make a mistake,
Let’s make a mistake tonight.

Have you ever gambled on a whim?
Have you ever chased a dream- fading and dim?
If not, then do it, make a mistake
Risk your life, risk your limb.

Do you live by the book, by the words of others?
Do you give them your desires to mutilate and smother?
Give yourself a chance, even though it might be a mistake.
For once in your life, listen to your heart’s quiet murmur.

Make a mistake, though it may bring you scorn,
Make a mistake, you are anyway forlorn,
Pleasing others is no life,
It is not for what you were born.

Why do you weave dreams only to toss them away?
You will still be unloved, you will still be a castaway.
Give unto others only as much as they need.
Drown not your desires in their selfish greed.

Once, just once, take my hand, let us run away,
Out the stark canvas, into the inviting grey,
Let us take the dreaded leap of faith.
Come, let us make a mistake, just for today.

Categories: Poems

Woman, Taken

November 13, 2012 Leave a comment

Marriage, Motherhood, Menopause.
All lost, nothing gained.
All sacrificed, for no cause.

Woman, Taken

Woman, Taken

Categories: Reflections